Where will you take me tonight?

I never quite paid any attention to what's on my dashboard other than the new post and template link. Just about 15 minutes ago, I found out that blogger has statistical features! I've been using sitemeter for years, I never knew I had a stats counter so close to home. I decided to go into further detail and started rummaging through my stats, referals and I must say i'm surprised.

I want to thank everyone for reading this little journal of mine. For coming back on a daily basis just to read my ramblings, perspectives and nothings about life. Your company on this little turf of mine is greaty appreciated. Why am i surprised? I never thought this little shack would accumalate an average of 500 page views a day. It's not alot but it's something. With the material produced here, at times I feel that my thoughts aren't worth the read or time haha. So thanks a heap everyone. I couldn't help look at my referals and i'm doubly surprise to find people who have linked me on their blogs and to find that most of my readers use Safari browers haha.

Thank you for taking the time to comprehend my thoughts and ramblings.
With heaps of love,
D.

Friends

I wonder,

how does someone change? Through it all, thick and thin i've always kept my end of the bargain and stuck by you. I did it not because I was suppose to but I felt you deserved every bit of me I could ever possibly give. We braved through different obstacles, mindsets, anything destructive that came in our way. All we had to do was to hold on to one another. As the years went by, you evolved into someone today I don't recognise anymore. The irony in all of this baffles me. I've watched you, provided love, respect, honesty and guidance when you needed me. How is it that you've educed into a stranger I can't even find means to believe you? When did the transition happen? I was right there. I never moved an inch. Did it take you one night to realise that you had to be more than what you already were or did a change of heart occur in a fragment of a second that led you to induce into a web of lies?

Its sad to say, 6 years we've stood by one another that the outcome has to finally come down to this. I don't know who i'm looking at anymore, if all is fiction or possibly fact. My heart has decided to stop playing tricks on me because its just as confused as I am. The letter you composed, i've easily read about 10 times now. The more i try to comprehend what you've penned down, the more it seems transparent. You've led me down a path where trust within the both of us is merely feasible, a path where I've learnt to turn stone cold and that in life, there are some things you simply let go of. I'm not choosing between any two. How can I ever see that you're sincere?


I need closure.
Closure to this chapter that's been going on for far too long.
Something new to breathe in.
After all, change is inevitable therefore we make do with it.


I feel happy.
D.

See it all for yourself

There is so much under the sheets, awaiting to surface. I don't know if i'm ready for a new beginning, if i'm ready to take on something new. I love my new found liberity, the freedom to be who i am. If you think i'm all composed, prim and proper than you've got it all wrong. I yell whenever I feel like it, I believe that laughter truly is the best medicine and also possibly a cause of death if something is way too funny. Food is one whirlpool i'd gladly allow myself to get sucked into, I spend majority of my money investing in meals because I personally believe that food one of the ways to a person's soul. All friends are with benefits. They're the people will accompany you to places, drown you with encourgement till your guts even give in. They're the most amazing people however, it's a pity many don't correlate their significances with their lives. I think i smile a lot. I love poking fun at my friends and they only do the same in return so time spent becomes upbeat with laughter our remarks usually linger till the next meeting where we can continue our land slide voyage.

I think i'm generally quite reflective. It only seems positive to me. Haha the things i do when i'm feeling all quirky. I literally run and dive into bed. Literally.

Dinner's awaiting my arrival.
Have a great weekend everyone.

D.

Shine the light

I'm heading over to Len's in a bit. We're gonna take Biscuit and Jack for a walk at the botanical gardens or something later on. I haven't had all that much sleep all night, just a 3 hour kitty nap at 11. I left my canele macarons out on the coffee table and the ants are having a go at them now. I've squeashed at least 10 soon to be a 100. My camera hasn't been put to much use lately considering my sleeping patterns i'm never up at the right time. I'm adapting to home pretty okay, loving the internet access, stacking up on movies, Tim Burton films to be exact.

I ought to go get ready!
Morning all.
D.

Sleepy sleeping

Things that are usually in my bag.

My glasses, ear phones, extra camera jooz, a packet of tissue, key pouch, camera bag, wallet, hair pins, sunnies, hair ties, allergy cream, waterbottle and phone. Nowadays, i leave my confucious fortune at the back of my phone when its in its wrap. It makes me feel better.

On a Sunday, i'm home alone with Hazel as company as I watch the weather throw its weight around. The house is in a mess, nothing in place but i'm too tired to neat it all up. Late nights haven't been doing me justice, its funny how i never seem to sleep for more than 8 hours, therefore my naps are precious. I love it when everything's dark, as you drive along the highway you watch an army of lights lead you home. Just you sitting in the car with the radio playing a song you haven't heard in ages, you whip your head back and forth, get the lyrics wrong then laugh to yourself. Its fun being you. After all, no one's really as you-er than who else?


You of course.

D.

Time will come

Hello from me to my dear readers. Its felt like awhile since I last did a proper entry. Life is looking up quite a bit, i'm trying to embrace most of it with the constant reminder that everything has a silver lining. I took my Public Relations paper today. My hands are exhausted from having to write so much within such a short time. Having to come up with hypothetical facts which are credible when you're sleep deprived isn't the easiest but i called upon my own doom. I'm nocturnal. Can't quite help it.

Everytime I listen to music i love, my heart actually beats faster and I get into this zone. Its so silly sometimes but no one's there to witness all that at 4am. I've been driving myself around more often now grasping confidence with each drive. I enjoy car rides on my own, it gives me the leisure to really look around at places I never did. I'm currently picture dry. So this entry's capcitated by words. I'm looking forward to doing something productive this summer. Perhaps really getting down to start my own online shop? Everyone's been asking if i'm getting around to that and when its all gonna fall in to place i'm beginning to feel a tad pressurized.

Also, i wanna thank everyone whose ever been there in my time of need. Your encouragements and love have driven me to where I am today and I like the path i'm seeing. Especially my parents who are the best. I love you guys.

Off to have dessert!
D.

We are who we are

There are so many things to love. There's the essence of light, composure, atmosphere, emotion, the grip on moments and most of all, liberty to do whatever the fuck you want.






Master pieces.

Burn down in flames

I run my fingers through your hair as you embrace me with the core of your physical fixation. The feeling is overwhelming, I feel like i'm being set on fire, ignited with an emotion that makes you feel full circle. Your head is spinning, whirling in monotone twirls where no words could fill the spaces. We lie awake stare into the darkness tossing verbal thoughts, dreams, as I lie on your chest listening to the live within you thumping rhythmically beneath the tip of my fingers. Your lids sealed shut from the hustle bustle of the world, you beathe in uncertain patterns, twitch at your dreams, I almost found joy spectating and studying your face as you sleep the night away. I loved the peace in saw in you.

Today morning, before I go to bed. I'm deserting the peace I once thought you ruled. I'm deserting the peace I once thought we ruled. I'm discarding my thoughts of you. I'm abandoning the person I am with you.
Why?

There was never peace.

"You know i'd do anything for you. I would go through all this pain, take a bullet straight through my brain, yes i would die for you baby, but you won't do the same."

So you see, that's the difference between you and I.
I'd never catch a grenade for you.

Onboard

As of this morning, i'm officially single and absolutely drama free. Through it all i've learnt that its good to see the better in everyone else but sometimes there's just too much ruin that the good is overcasted. Anyway i'm feeling okay but the weather's not. Its gloomy and grey which is making me slightly depressed haha. Life's been alright for me on the overall i have an exam in a week! My mind's exhausted, so are my eyes. Just thought i'd do a little update where i'm not writing in code. My room's still in a mess since i got back with my clothes cohabiting with the ground. I'm trying to recover photos from my compact flash card since there's been a error somehow. It'll be good if the unwanted got wiped out. I need to clear my photos anyway!

Everything's thought me a great deal but for now, i'm gonna enjoy my summer!
Alright i'm off to have lamb, teerah guys!
Italian for dinner l8r, yum can't wait.

Meaningless thoughts

There are nights where I lay in bed with my face illuminated as I watch the spaces between the blinds light up segments of the room as though they were primarily different places fixated together. My eyes adjust to the flickering slashes of lighting as they tear and branch out into the sky. They cast light shadows in seconds at intervals I can never count or comprehend.

I listen to my iPod appreciating words and how they're strung together like perfectly beaded necklaces. The sound of breaths during the intervals of songs and crackling of the air conditioning as I stare at my phone while the world around seems like darkness. The black is beautiful. It takes my mind into a whirl with a pinch of nostalgia as I imagine things I never would during the midsts of day. These days I feel like I'm alone with music pounding it's way into my ears while I take my time to decipher people's thoughts. A ton on my heart as it presses against this invisible emotional base with my eyes drowning till I see everything in bokeh. I'm tired but my mind won't let me rest and it continues to question the same questions over questions I shut myself out of answering taking into comfort that Sean is next to me, asleep peacefully so therefore I should propose to do the same.

As I take gradual glances through the slit between both blinds, the sky painted orange, the wind rustling through shapeless trees, it puts me to ease. The clouds are high beyond reach lingering making decisions on when to embrace us as we sleep. My arms get tired of holding onto my phone above me and I begin rubbing my eyes till visions deform into smudges. "Meaningless thoughts is what I'm going to name this post", I tell myself. When the sun breaks, when we feel light creeping into our rooms or when we take refuge under the sheets, that's the beginning of a new day. That's the beginning of something new. So tonight I'm leaving my troubles on this wordy, meaningless box of text while I wait for the clouds to embrace my slumber. Till the dusk diminishes into dawn, I'm leaving my meaningless thoughts with no conclusion.

And I join the queue to your answer machine.

,D.

Where to?

I don't know which way i'm suppose to spin, in this circle.